Coping with the Grief of Pet Loss During College Finals
Losing a pet is one of the most devastating life events one can go through. For some pet-lovers, the bond you create feels like even more; a pet might feel like part of your identity. This article provides guidance on how to cope with the unique grief experienced after the loss of a pet, especially during stressful times like college finals.
Disclaimer: This blog is intended for educational purposes only, and is not considered medical advice or a substitute for therapy.
The Unique Bond with Pets
Your pet provides more than companionship - they can become a major source of comfort and help you relieve stress. Typically, you spend more time with your pet than anyone else. If your pet was always by your side, you may automatically turn to talk to them, forgetting that they are gone. You are constantly reminded of the loss, from the time you wake up until you fall asleep. Remembering your pet, or looking at photos and videos may feel really hard at first, and unleash a floodgate of tears. Those first few days and weeks can feel absolutely excruciating when your pet is no longer present in physical form, and self-care looks different.
The Lack of Societal Validation
A recent study found that when a pet dies, society doesn’t deem it as serious as when a human dies. This lack of validation can cause you to have unresolved feelings about your pet’s death. Even though you’re going through painstaking sadness, it might seem like your friends aren’t checking in. Everyone seems to forget that your life has been forever changed. The sadness you feel about losing your pet is valid. Acknowledging the depth of your bond and validating how you feel is essential to healing.
Understanding the Stages of Grief
There really isn’t a right or wrong way to grieve. This is what many experience as the first stage of grief after a pet dies, and is the denial stage. You may not be able to cry or feel sad because you are so in shock. Typically this stage of grief will not last more than a few days.
Read also: Calming Anxiety: A Guide
The bargaining stage of grief is a period when you try to make promises to a higher power in exchange for helping your pet survive. Even though you know in your heart that it is their time to go, you may still find yourself pleading to a higher power for help. Oftentimes as a pet-owner, you have to be the one who decides when it is time to say goodbye.
When anger bubbles up after loss, you might direct it towards anyone - yourself, your vet, your loved ones, even your pet for leaving you. You have a right to feel angry when you pet dies - it totally sucks! You might be angry about how it happened, or that you have to try and go to sleep without them laying by your side. Anger is just empowered sadness, which is why it is such an important emotion to feel during your grieving process. It can help you express the depth of your pain.
The depression stage of grief is when the reality of the loss starts to settle in. You may be very tearful, and desperately miss your pet. It’s common for symptoms of depression to show up during this phase, like having trouble sleeping or sleeping all day, changes in appetite, having low energy, inability to focus, or trouble finding pleasure in activities that used to interest you. During this phase, it is okay to let yourself feel your emotions. Never think that you should be over the loss by a certain time. Let yourself cry. It’s okay to still miss your pet. You may be resistant to move through this phase of grief after losing a pet. You might be afraid that your memories will start to fade - like you’ll forget the sound of their meow, or the softness of their fur. You might worry that if you accept the loss, it means you aren’t as sad anymore, and that being less sad somehow equates to the love fading. Remember, acceptance isn’t an end goal to reach, it’s a continual practice.
As you move through the stages of grief after losing a pet, you may also gain new perspectives on life. Making meaning takes acceptance a bit further. You can do this by channeling your grief into art. You can also put something up in your home to remember your pet, or plant a tree in your backyard to honor their memory.
Many people think you move through the stages of grief in order, and that you can check off each stage once you’ve gone through it. It is common to jump from one stage of grief to another without any rhyme or reason. You may go from feeling depressed, back to being in denial. You may also feel like you’re in more than one phase of grief at once. Although these stages can help you pinpoint where you’re at, some days, they may not resonate. That’s okay.
Read also: Getting Into Nursing School
Navigating Grief During College Finals
Losing a pet during college finals adds another layer of complexity to an already stressful time. The pressure to perform academically can feel overwhelming when you're also dealing with intense grief. Here's how to navigate this difficult period:
Allow Yourself Time to Grieve
Acknowledge that it is normal to grieve deeply. Losing a pet is a significant loss. Cut yourself some slack. Give yourself time to get used to your new routine without them there. The bond and connection that you create with your pet is rare and unique. What this means is, you can’t skip over your emotional pain, or bury it forever. Taking time to grieve the loss of a cherished pet is a natural process. And it is likely that you’ll miss your pet for the rest of your life. Missing your pet is a reminder of how much they meant to you. Over time, that pain and that grief does become more manageable.
Communicate with Professors
Reach out to your professors and explain your situation. Most professors are understanding and may offer extensions or other accommodations to help you manage your coursework while grieving.
Prioritize Self-Care
Make sure you're taking care of your basic needs. Eat nutritious meals, get enough sleep, and engage in gentle exercise. Avoid isolating yourself; spend time with supportive friends or family members.
Seek Support
Don't hesitate to seek professional help. College counseling centers often offer grief counseling services. You can also find support groups specifically for pet loss.
Read also: High School Diploma Jobs
Create a Study Routine
Even though it's difficult, try to establish a study routine. Breaking down your work into smaller, manageable tasks can make it less overwhelming. Find a quiet place to study where you can focus.
Memorialize Your Pet
Pick a meaningful way to memorialize your pet. Scrapbook, plant a tree, write a poem, or donate money. You can also put something up in your home to remember your pet, or plant a tree in your backyard to honor their memory.
Supporting Grieving Teenagers
Why focus on teens, in particular? If you’ve had your pet for a long time, your teen may not know or remember life without them. This is especially important during the transition from childhood into adulthood when teenagers live through a period of constant change. In the middle of all of this, a pet is a consistent, non-judgmental presence. A pet doesn’t care how your teen is doing at school or whether they’re developing acne, falling in love for the first time or revising for exams. For many parents, knowing how to best support a grieving teenager can be challenging. It can be especially hard to know how to support a teen when you’re grieving too.
Peers play a big role in the emotional and social development of teenagers and you may not be the first person they choose to talk to. It’s important to accept that your son or daughter may be more comfortable talking to their friends. In actual fact, letting your teen see that you’re grieving can be incredibly supportive and empowering. As with anyone who’s grieving, it’s important to validate your teen’s feelings, whether or not they reflect your own. Let them know that you recognise that they’re going through a difficult experience. Name any feelings you see. When we see someone we love suffering, it can be unbearable. Let your teen know that there is no time limit on grief. Some people, teens or otherwise, find it comforting to memorialise a lost pet. If your son or daughter is having a tough time due to their grief, it’s a good idea to let other important people in their wider circle know what’s going on. Sometimes people need professional support to cope with bereavement. Pets are so special because they embody acceptance, a quality that every teenager needs in their life.
Additional Resources and Support
- Wings-Pet Loss Helpline and Support Group: (630)325-1600
- The Companion Animal Related Emotions Pet Loss Helpline: A confidential telephone service offered through the University of College of Veterinary Medicine. (877) 394-CARE (2273)
- Veterinary Specialty Centers Grief Support Program: (847)459-7535 x300
- Furever Forest: A community for bereaved pet parents, offering grief resources, live support sessions, and creative art workshops.
Making Meaning from Loss
After giving yourself the time you needed to move through the stages of grief after losing a pet, you may discover an unexpected and profound way to make meaning out your loss - by supporting others who have lost their soulmate pets. When you are able to make meaning out of the loss of your pet, you are able to find a deeper sense of inner peace.
tags: #coping #with #grief #of #pet #loss
