Navigating Bullying: From College Essays to Real-Life Resilience
October might be National Bullying Awareness Month, but the fight against bullying is a year-round endeavor. One question that frequently arises is whether it's appropriate to address sensitive topics like bullying in college essays. The answer is a resounding yes, provided it's approached thoughtfully and with a clear purpose.
Addressing Sensitive Topics in College Essays
Colleges aren't looking for students who have led perfect lives. They're looking for individuals who have demonstrated insight, growth, and resilience in the face of challenges. Writing about bullying, coming out, political opinions, loss, mental health struggles, or any other sensitive topic is perfectly acceptable, as long as it serves a meaningful purpose and answers the essay prompt effectively. The key is to share something about yourself that colleges might not discover elsewhere in your application.
To be effective in your college essay-no matter the topic-you must answer the prompt, show insight, and share something meaningful that colleges might not learn elsewhere in your application.
Focusing on Growth and Problem-Solving
The most successful essays about bullying don't dwell on the negative experiences themselves, but rather on the personal growth and problem-solving skills that emerged as a result. Consider the example of a student who wrote about teaching a five-year-old camper how to handle a bully, drawing on her own experiences of being bullied in middle school. This student focused on what she learned from her experience and how she used those lessons to help the camper confront her own bully.
In her essay, the student detailed the problem she cared about (teaching a camper how to cope with a mean girl) and how she helped solve the challenge (helping the camper ignore the mean girl). The focus remained on her personal growth and problem-solving skills, showcasing her resilience and maturity to admission officers.
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Choosing the Right Approach
When deciding whether to write about bullying in your college essay, consider what you want colleges to know about you. Did the experience change you? Did you learn anything from it? Instead of focusing on the situation itself, highlight the qualities that make you unique and valuable. Are you kind, resourceful, industrious, or compassionate? Choose a topic or experience that allows you to showcase these qualities effectively.
Remember, the goal of the college essay is to share something with the admission committee that will reveal who you really are and why you belong at their school.
The Importance of Personal Growth and Transformation
You absolutely can write your college essay about your experiences with bullying, as long as it is more focused on your personal growth and transformation rather than the bullying events themselves. College essays are meant to provide insight into who you are as an individual, and overcoming experiences like bullying can shape character and instill resilience.
The key here is to not dwell on the negative aspects or vent about the hardships. Instead, spend a significant portion of the essay outlining how you handled the situation, how it changed you as a person, and any positive changes that arose from the experience. Essentially, you want to illustrate your growth journey, which says a lot about your maturity and ability to navigate through challenges.
For example, maybe the bullying experience drove you to become an advocate for mental health, or it garnered you the strength to start an anti-bullying campaign in your school. Perhaps it even motivated you to study psychology to better understand why people behave the way they do. Remember, your college essay should reflect your strength, resilience, and character. admissions questions.
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What Makes a Good Topic?
Have you been thinking about what makes a great topic? Because bullying or coming out or similar subjects are only good topics if you can reflect on them. What do you want colleges to know about you if you did get bullied? Did it change you? Have you learned anything from that bad experience?
Take two steps backward if you plan to start your college essay with a certain situation in mind. Instead, focus on a few traits and qualities that make you great. Are you kind? Are you resourceful? Are you industrious? Are you compassionate? Determine what your best qualities are and how you want to highlight them, then choose a topic or experience you believe will allow you to do just that.
Beyond Trauma: Showcasing Your Strengths
Many students seem to think they need to write about traumatic experiences in order to write a “good” personal statement. It's important to clarify why that’s not really true.
The purpose of a personal statement is to demonstrate the skills, qualities, values, identities, insights, and interests you’ll bring to a college community. You don’t HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES TO WRITE A GREAT PERSONAL STATEMENT. Many students get into great colleges and universities each year by writing on personal topics ranging from a life-changing trip they took to their childhood dream of flying.
In addition to the option of not writing about challenges at all, you also have the option of including challenges you’ve faced, if you like, but not making them the sole focus of your essay (using montage structure).
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The Power of Identity and Values
Growing up, my world was basketball. My summers were spent between the two solid black lines. My skin was consistently tan in splotches and ridden with random scratches. My wardrobe consisted mainly of track shorts, Nike shoes, and tournament t-shirts. Gatorade and Fun Dip were my pre-game snacks. The cacophony of rowdy crowds, ref whistles, squeaky shoes, and scoreboard buzzers was a familiar sound. I was the team captain of almost every team I played on-familiar with the Xs and Os of plays, commander of the court, and the coach’s right hand girl.
But that was only me on the surface. Deep down I was an East-Asian influenced bibliophile and a Young Adult fiction writer. Hidden in the cracks of a blossoming collegiate level athlete was a literary fiend. I devoured books in the daylight. I crafted stories at night time. After games, after practice, after conditioning I found nooks of solitude. Within these moments, I became engulfed in a world of my own creation. Initially, I only read young adult literature, but I grew to enjoy literary fiction and self-help: Kafka, Dostoevsky, Branden, Csikszentmihalyi. I expanded my bubble to Google+ critique groups, online discussion groups, blogs, writing competitions and clubs. I wrote my first novel in fifth grade, my second in seventh grade, and started my third in ninth grade. Reading was instinctual. Writing was impulsive.
I stumbled upon the movies of Hayao Miyazaki at a young age. I related a lot to the underlying East Asian philosophy present in his movies. My own perspective on life, growth, and change was echoed in his storytelling. So, I read his autobiographies, watched anime, and researched ancient texts-Analects, The Way, Art of War. Then, I discovered the books of Haruki Murakami whom I now emulate in order to improve my writing.
Like two sides of a coin, I lived in two worlds. One world was outward-aggressive, noisy, invigorating; the other, internal-tempestuous, serene, nuanced. Internal and external conflict ensued. Many times I was seen only as an athlete and judged by the stereotypes that come with it: self-centered, unintelligent, listens to rap. But off the court, I was more reflective, empathetic and I listened to music like Florence and the Machine. I was even sometimes bullied for not acting “black enough.” My teammates felt that my singular focus should be basketball and found it strange that I participated in so many extracurriculars.
But why should I be one-dimensional? I had always been motivated to reach the pinnacle of my potential in whatever I was interested in. Why should I be defined by only one aspect of my life? I felt like I had to pick one world.
Then I had an ACL injury. And then another. And then another. After the first ACL surgery, my family and I made the decision to homeschool. I knew I wanted to explore my many interests-literature, novel writing, East Asian culture, and basketball-equally. So I did. I found time to analyze Heart of Darkness and used my blog to instruct adult authors how to become self-published authors. I researched Shintoism, read dozens of books on writing and self-improvement. My sister and I had been talking for a while about starting a nonprofit focused on social awareness, education, and community outreach. Finally, we had the time to do it.
While basketball has equipped me with leadership skills and life experiences, it is only one part of who I am. As a socially aware, intellectual, and introspective individual, I value creative expression and independence.
Positive Character Attributes
The author shows a ton of these specific values and qualities that she’ll bring to a college campus. Some of these values and qualities include:
- Leadership→ “I was the team captain of almost every team I played on … commander of the court, and the coach’s right hand girl”
- Curiosity, creativity, intellectual vitality, personal development, ambition→ “I devoured books in the daylight. I crafted stories at night time… I grew to enjoy literary fiction and self-help: Kafka, Dostoevsky, Branden, Csikszentmihalyi. I expanded my bubble to Google+ critique groups, online discussion groups, blogs, writing competitions and clubs. I wrote my first novel in fifth grade, my second in seventh grade, and started my third in ninth grade. Reading was instinctual. Writing was impulsive.”
- Critical thinking / complexity→ “…I lived in two worlds. One world was outward-aggressive, noisy, invigorating; the other, internal-tempestuous, serene, nuanced.”
- Resilience→ “I was even sometimes bullied for not acting ‘black enough.’ and “Then I had an ACL injury…”
- Commitment to service and helping others → “My sister and I had been talking for a while about starting a nonprofit focused on social awareness, education, and community outreach. Finally, we had the time to do it.”
The author weaves in three other important elements of an outstanding personal statement. Her personal statement not only highlights some of her core values, but also shows:
- Insights/Reflection: This essay has so many insights, beginning with the opening paragraphs, which basically say “Many people think of me as X… but actually I’m Y.”
- Vulnerability: The author shares about experiences that probably feel a little vulnerable to share, like dealing with a sense of straddling different worlds, bullying, and injuries. And the author uses them as opportunities to share with the reader how these experiences helped shape her character and develop qualities she would (and did) bring to college.
- Craft: So many moments are well-crafted, including some of my favorite lines: “Deep down I was an East-Asian influenced bibliophile and a Young Adult fiction writer.” and “Reading was instinctual. Writing was impulsive.” and “One world was outward-aggressive, noisy, invigorating; the other, internal-tempestuous, serene, nuanced.” I also love the confidence to use sentence fragments like “So I did” or even “And another. And another…”
The author weaves in challenges, but only briefly-making it a “chapter” in her essay, instead of “the whole book.” Notice that, even though this student did face challenges, she mentions them briefly so that the challenges don’t dominate the essay.
Understanding Bullying
Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among people of all ages, but mostly school-age children. Society has been aware of bullying since around 1693, but it was not viewed as a real problem until the 1970s. “While overall incidents of school violence, such as assault and theft, have declined in the last decade, bullying is on the rise.” (qtd in Tyre) The percentage of middle and high school students that have been victimized by bullying went up from 14 percent in 2001 to 32 percent in 2009. (Tyre)
Among the most common and neglected problems in the world, bullying is on top of the list. It is a terrible and dangerous activity that occurs in numerous places, from homes, schools, workplaces, to the internet (cyber-bullying). According to NCAB (National Centre Against Bullying), the definition of bullying is when an individual or a group of people with more power, repeatedly cause hurt or harm to another person or group of people who feel helpless to respond. Common acts of bullying include teasing, insults, name-calling, provoking, threats, taunting, and it can get physical by beating or stealing.
The Roots and Repercussions of Bullying
In order to fully understand this issue, one should take a look, and address the underlying reasons and causes why one becomes a bully in the first place, and what its effects can be. Neglect and insecurity can make a person wants to bully others but the victim can get seriously hurt, and this can lead to serious problems: like depression, and poor performance in academia, or life in general.
One of the root causes, and the most important one in my opinion, is the family life and how things are at home. If a child is growing up in a dysfunctional family, with abusive parents, who fight all the time, no one wants to hear or support them, it's sufficient to make the child feel unloved and not important, leading them to become angry and insecure individuals later on. Jealousy, attention-seeking, low self-esteem, stress, and traumas are other causes of bullying. Regardless of the reasons, at the end of the day, the bully him or herself is solely responsible.
It is a very dangerous act, as it can lead to numerous serious and extensive effects. Side effects range all the way from poor appetite and non-stop crying, to suicidal tendencies. From a mental standpoint, victims of bullying are far more likely to suffer from anxiety, depression, abnormal fears and worries, sleep disorders, and nervous habits. People who have been bullied can go from being happy and confident to being withdrawn, developing shyness, and low self-esteem. One may see no worth in himself, and there is no way out of this torment. This can lead to alcohol and drug addiction. In more severe cases, a person may commit suicide because they see no value in life.
Bullying also interferes with academic performance and social involvement. If a student finds himself a target for bullying, he may hate school and refuse to go. His grades will go downhill he won't be able to learn. They may be very good at sports, but refuse to play or join teams, just because they will be picked on. Severe bullying may lead people to drop out of school. Research has shown that approximately 160,000 teens have skipped school because of bullying (“Indicators of School Crime and Safety.” 2010), and 1 in 5 students ages 12-18 has been bullied during the school year (“Bullying: Fast Facts.” 2019).
The Evolution of Bullying: From Playground to Internet
Bullying once stayed within the confines of school property. Victims dreaded leaving home in the morning to attend eight-hour long torture sessions, but looked forward to returning to safety at night. But technology-enabled bullies contain the ability to harass 24/7, right at their fingertips. Upon leaving school kids hold the ability to bombard and be bombarded with texts, instant messages, and social media.
Today’s problem isn’t so much the bullying itself - bullying has been around for centuries. The problem is that it is difficult to escape it. Unlimited communication no doubt has its benefits, but because it, no matter what the hour or location, it’s near impossible to be free.
Personal Accounts of Bullying
Monica's Story
I was in fourth grade, sitting in the lunch room alone hearing a group of boys making cruel jokes about me and saying things like “Look how ugly and fat Monica is.” Their snickering echoed through my head. I was so distraught, but I wasn’t going to be that girl that would get bullied. I needed to stand up for myself, and so I did. As a fourth grader, I took the situation and handled it with as much strength as I could.
It took me years to completely end the bullying, in fact, I would say that I still get bullied, but fortunately, ignoring the negativities and proving others wrong has become my “super power” in life. Although the bullying about my weight disappeared, I was still getting bullied by one person, William Blet, who would constantly underestimate my intelligence, as a way to abase me in the eyes of my peers and his own. He would constantly tell me I would never be as intelligent as him and I wouldn’t make as far as he would, but he was wrong. I took it upon myself to prove him wrong.
That same year, we took the algebra EOC together. As a method of proving myself and my endless capabilities, thinking: “I may not be the best at math, but I know I can do whatever I set my mind to.” When the scores came out, I got a higher score than him, but he didn’t stop underestimating me. As another test of my intelligence, I took the AP Spanish language exam, and once again the scores proved I was intelligent because I receiving one of the highest scores in my class. My bullying has been my opportunity in life to prove myself.
The Girl in the Hallway
A young girl walked through her high school halls, clutching a book tightly against her stomach, as if it were a shield. She has her hair loose, allowing the tendrils of it to gather by the sides of her face. She stares pointedly at the floor, taking quick, hushed steps as she reaches the stairs. Gingerly, she climbs up them one step at a time, looking about her for that frighteningly familiar face. She is deaf to the clamor of the students around her, brushing past her, fighting their way through the crowded hallways. The world turns into blurs around her as she sights a face at the top of the stairs, lounging against the corner in the stairwell, smiling as it recognizes its prey.
It’s too late to turn around. It’s too late to hurry past. She’s been spotted… Too late. Too late. Too late. Hands grab her book, and she is pulled to the corner. No words are spoken. In the breath of a moment, the girl’s hands are empty, flailing in the air for purchase as she is tumbling, falling backward. Her head meets a sharp corner, her hand hits the wall with a sharp crack. Pain erupting in her, she slides down the rest of the steps. She hears something skidding across the floor by her head. It is her book. Her useless shield. There is one more flash of that gloating smile before it rounds the stairs.
A few kids glance at her. One hands her book to her and gives her a hand up. The girl takes a quick inventory. Her hand hurts, head is throbbing, and ankle is on fire. She is pushed forward by the teacher behind her, her voice chiming “Time to get to class,” methodically. This girl is me. Just another student. Just another victim. For 8 years, this is the world I have lived in. For 8 years, I have skipped lunch to get to the safety of the library, bury myself in books, and count the days till graduation. As of today, it is 64. five very close friends, friends who endured the same Hell as I did. Every day.
The Weight of Words
Words like bullets, raining down upon you till there is nothing left. Those words, that smile.. those are what make me wake up at night screaming. Those are what I see when I look in the mirror. Nothing. Worthless. Loser. Two of my friends followed their advice. One never saw the age of 14, the other never got his license. Never say that they are just words. Don’t think it’s our confidence that is the problem. the bullies.
It’s too late for me. Too late for a lot of kids. Nothing will undo the years I have spent questioning what I did wrong. But for millions of other kids, it isn’t too late. Bullying starts early and gets worse. Tackle it in elementary school. It isn’t cute. It doesn’t mean that the girl likes that boy or vice versa. It is bullying. It is dangerous.
Shattered Glass
Tears have been flooding down my face; breathing is a task that now seems impossible. I draw my legs closer and closer into my chest as I try to transform the pressure into reassuring comfort. I honestly can’t recall how long I lay there that night. Any sense of time has vanished months ago for me because it does not matter what time or day it is: I knew I would be bullied. all of my accomplishments and enjoyable moments are overshadowed by the pain and harassment that was thrust upon me.
Just looking at my surface, you would see, a confident young woman, as sturdy as a rock. never think that I was broken, broken into a million pieces like shattered glass, all because of the work of a group of senior boys.
The Universality of Bullying
Bullying, an unfortunate but seemingly inevitable human activity, has scattered itself through societies since the beginning of time. The definition of bullying can be narrowed down to this: placing an undeserving individual/group under a microscope, shredding it apart, and making it feel as small and insignificant as possible. This atrocity is nothing new to our educational institutions.
Combating Bullying
While campaigning, bullying itself won’t become extinct, but the safety felt by victims can be increased. Technology - a prominent form of bullying - can be limited.
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